Tuesday, April 11, 2023

Revising Shakespeare: First, kill all the Marketing VP's


 (My new American Thinker post)

Back in my school days, we read Shakespeare.  It was not my favorite.  Reading William was hard and it took a lot of energy to write an essay about any of his works.  In my case, I accepted it as part of the liberal arts education.  In reality, what made the whole thing tolerable was a young and pretty English teacher or Miss M.   She reminded some of us of teacher Alice in "Room 222".

One day, Miss M answered a question about Shakespeare’s line about killing all the lawyers.  She finally settled the issue by telling a bunch of high schoolers not to take old William literally.

Over the last couple of days, I’ve been wondering about what old William would say about Marketing VP’s.  He might say “kill all the Marketing VPs”.  It may have been his way of settling the issue.

It’s been a tough year for the marketing profession.

Over at ESPN, they decided that sports fans were desperate for Trump bashing or talking about racism between attempted passes.   Doesn't everyone turn on SportsCenter for another attack on Trump or quote from LeBron about the police?

Over at Disney, the smart ones decided that moms and dads were dying to hear references to the 1619 project whenever Donald and Daisy were chatting on a canoe.  Life is short so why not tell the kids that mom & dad have been lying to them about their country.  

It hasn’t gone well for those 2 woke corporations as the numbers tell us.

Alissa Heinerscheid, Bud Light’s VP of Marketing, doubles down on her extreme woke strategy to promote the “declining” American beer brand to “young people”, while smearing her former customers as “fratty and out of touch”.  

So how do you make beer less fratty and out of touch?  You hire a man on his 365th day of girlhood.  I’m calling  Alissa and have her select my lottery ticket numbers.  To paraphrase The Beatles, Alissa is a woman who understands, Alissa is a woman who loves her brand.

So Shakespeare would have probably amended the play to something like this:

“Beer sales down.  Let’s hire a man pretending to be a woman to make things more appealing to the young”

“Bad idea and kill the Marketing VP on your way out”

Yes, too much marketing talk and not enough knowing your customer.  Woke kills another brand.  Don't worry because another Marketing VP out there has a new one coming.  Like socialism, they need to keep trying until it works.